get a job.

At the end of a long day of planning and talking and planning and talking about planning and a double shot of espresso, I say to you: long live the 90's.

I am so glad that I get to come home and dance around in the kitchen, and eat yummy curry, and watch old snl on netflixs, and listen to pavement randomly (after forgetting all about pavement!!!), and spend sweet fun times with the dude I am crazy in love with.

So good.

<3 S

P.S.: Thursday school craziness 1. Smask 0.

vanity time out.

Image via here.

I would just like to take a minute to say that I am having a moment.

A clog moment.

A serious, intense, clog moment.

Image via here.

For real. I think it was stumbling upon this blog that started it. This lady has a super, kind of hippie-chic style. She often sports these clogs in her family style section, and I'm just like oh. my. good. gravy. 

It totally takes me back to that grunge thing in the nineties. I'm thinking Nirvana era goodness, coupled with Blossom type nostalgia.

Image via here.

Clunky and geeky, yet whimsical and charming.

So, for my un-birthday (or whatever gifting holiday next approaches first), let's proclaim to the universe that I love me some clogs.

Image via here.
Crush via me.

<3 S

P.S.: I'm really glad I didn't google search the word "clog." Could have been not so good.
P.S.S.: Etsy searching "clogs," however, has a pretty rad result. Long live Etsy!
P.S.S.S...or something.: You're welcome.

this week.

This week I've had the blues.

Been ind of down for no reason. Like I don't belong in my own skin. You know.

I think everyone gets like that sometimes. 

It's frustrating to have this feeling. Like the pieces of everything don't quite fit together these days. Like what I've been doing isn't quite good enough, though I can't put my finger on why. And none of my clothes quite feel like "me."

I'm chalking it up to transition: school starting, changes afoot.

After Derek and I went out for lunch, I curled up on our guest bed. (We never bothered un-making it after my mom left. It kind of feels like a new, secret hidden place, with the light of the patio seeping in. It feels like a secret space. Likes.) I've been watching a long list of movies I remember loving as a child. It's how I turn off my brain and escape reality for a bit. 

Sometimes I need to just soak into things. Sometimes I need to just be.

The only positive to feeling like this is that I'm reminded yet again how wonderful my manfriend is. Thank you for always knowing when I need a hug. Or my hand held. Or to put my head on your shoulder. Thank you. You are my absolute favourite.

Sometimes I rue the fact that I am so sensitive. I wish wish wish that I could will away this feeling that I can't help but succumb to emotion. But I really do believe that a lot of the time, those things that are our vices are also our best qualities.

So I'll ride out these feelings, and soak up the love, and tomorrow things will be sunnier.

<3 S

schooled.

Sooo, this is amazing.

This video was posted on io9 today and I can honestly say I listened to every second of dialogue. Sitting still for seven minutes is not something I do on the regular, let me tell you.

Vi Hart, a professional mathematician, has her own youtube channel, which Derek has just linked to me and which I know will now fill many hours of today. Merci!

It really made me think about the way we teach and the way students learn, and how people can learn so much from just EXPLORING instead of being talked at for great lengths of time.

The internet makes independent learning not only possible, but often favourable to traditional styles of teaching and learning for some. (Let's not forget that to be an effective learner/teacher you need to be driven to learn first, and not be afraid to explore. Also, you really need to admit that you will never not ever stop learning, nor will you reach a point when you can say, "Done! Full of learning!" End scene.)

Mayhaps these are the ramblings of a tired lady, or maybe there is sense somewhere here. 

But, as per my earlier point, if you choose to watch the video you can decide what you think for yourself. :)

<3 S

4:30.

Guest sheets.

Today my mom is coming to visit for a day split into two parts.
She will get here today around noon and leave tomorrow around noon.
My family is very organized that way.

So clearly, I've been organizing like a madwoman, cleaning every crevasse of the apartment, buying new sheets (aren't the flowers so cute?), and getting wayyyy too much food just in case. When in doubt, begin hording I always say. I'd like to think that's sound advice.

My cleanin' socks.
Also: the kitchen floor always looks filthy.
Also: unflattering angle.

Yesterday at a meeting at school, I commented to a co-worker that it was really the first time a parent has come to stay at my house. Really what I think I meant was that it's the first time a parent has come to stay at a place that I'd consider my home. 

You know what I mean?

I think subconsciously I feel like I have to show her how I am a for real adult. Sometimes I have moments where I'm doing adult things (buying a couch, anything teacher related, that whole gambit)(yes, I just said gambit) and that voice in my head is whispering, "They're buying it! Don't screw it up now!" I was telling another great lady at school about this feeling (after buying a couch... ohhhh there'll be more on the couch) and she commented that it never really goes away. That she still feels like she's putting on a great show of being an adult and she's fooling everybody. 

I used to always suspect that real adults were hiding something. That they weren't as sure as they sounded, as wise as I thought. And I think I get it. You never really stop feeling like that I suppose.

Derek: They're fluffy.
me: They hydrangeas!
Derek: That's not a real word.

Lots of musings as my brain wakes me up at 4:30. 
That's right. 4:30.
In the morning.
Dance party?
Dance party.

<3 S

r.i.p. sir toasts alot. you will be missed.

But until we replace you, we shall make you toast for us, ghetto style.

Is my ingenuity not amazing? I ask you.

Alright, enough procrastinating. Off to school!

Have a lovely, lovely day :)

And live...

I can never decide which is better... but this is a pretty fun live version.

Onward!

<3 S

when it's quiet, there is thinking.

Going back to school always leaves me feeling a bit drained.

It's not so much the return to routine (I likes the routine), but rather the change in general and the expectations that are floating around in the air.

I've always had a hard time with change. I like it (I really do!) but but I find it hard to adjust to a new place, new schedule, new newness. It's one of my great life missions (all caps in my head!) to embrace change more gracefully.

(Sorry for beard related tear-fests. I will eventually get over that. Have faith.)

A lot of teachers totally place high expectations on themselves. I am one of them. I think that it's the kind of job where you really can't help it. How can you not want to give kids all of these great opportunities and amazing experiences? In teacher's college, (oh teacher's college. blech.) one of the most often used phrases is "Don't try to re-invent the wheel." It's supposed to make teachers feel better about resource sharing and whatnot, but it always makes me feel like they great unknown called "They" are trying to tell us to try less and expect less.

I've never been one to do either of those things - for better or for worse.

So today I went into school and began organizing my school life. It always comes slowly, especially without a classroom to set up this year. But I go in and I walk around the halls and I feel it out. Because I expect more from myself.

Schools feel weird without children. They are quiet, but somehow rife with anticipation. 

I am starting to get the September jitters. I feel like anything can happen.

I thought I should sit here and write some of this down before I get so sucked in I forget to slow down and look around. The rain outside seems to have heard. 

<3 S