Been ind of down for no reason. Like I don't belong in my own skin. You know.
I think everyone gets like that sometimes.
It's frustrating to have this feeling. Like the pieces of everything don't quite fit together these days. Like what I've been doing isn't quite good enough, though I can't put my finger on why. And none of my clothes quite feel like "me."
I'm chalking it up to transition: school starting, changes afoot.
After Derek and I went out for lunch, I curled up on our guest bed. (We never bothered un-making it after my mom left. It kind of feels like a new, secret hidden place, with the light of the patio seeping in. It feels like a secret space. Likes.) I've been watching a long list of movies I remember loving as a child. It's how I turn off my brain and escape reality for a bit.
Sometimes I need to just soak into things. Sometimes I need to just be.
The only positive to feeling like this is that I'm reminded yet again how wonderful my manfriend is. Thank you for always knowing when I need a hug. Or my hand held. Or to put my head on your shoulder. Thank you. You are my absolute favourite.
Sometimes I rue the fact that I am so sensitive. I wish wish wish that I could will away this feeling that I can't help but succumb to emotion. But I really do believe that a lot of the time, those things that are our vices are also our best qualities.
So I'll ride out these feelings, and soak up the love, and tomorrow things will be sunnier.
<3 S
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