when it's quiet, there is thinking.

Going back to school always leaves me feeling a bit drained.

It's not so much the return to routine (I likes the routine), but rather the change in general and the expectations that are floating around in the air.

I've always had a hard time with change. I like it (I really do!) but but I find it hard to adjust to a new place, new schedule, new newness. It's one of my great life missions (all caps in my head!) to embrace change more gracefully.

(Sorry for beard related tear-fests. I will eventually get over that. Have faith.)

A lot of teachers totally place high expectations on themselves. I am one of them. I think that it's the kind of job where you really can't help it. How can you not want to give kids all of these great opportunities and amazing experiences? In teacher's college, (oh teacher's college. blech.) one of the most often used phrases is "Don't try to re-invent the wheel." It's supposed to make teachers feel better about resource sharing and whatnot, but it always makes me feel like they great unknown called "They" are trying to tell us to try less and expect less.

I've never been one to do either of those things - for better or for worse.

So today I went into school and began organizing my school life. It always comes slowly, especially without a classroom to set up this year. But I go in and I walk around the halls and I feel it out. Because I expect more from myself.

Schools feel weird without children. They are quiet, but somehow rife with anticipation. 

I am starting to get the September jitters. I feel like anything can happen.

I thought I should sit here and write some of this down before I get so sucked in I forget to slow down and look around. The rain outside seems to have heard. 

<3 S