summertime things

Summer is always such a mixed bag of things for me. 


It used to be the busiest. When I was a teen living at home, even on days off from my summer job I'd be working at something. My parents are big believers in a work ethic or something I think  ;). I continued the trend as I took on jobs that kept me busy after university, even working two jobs when I started teaching (as soooo many teachers do). There wasn't the time to sit and just BE.


When I started to rely solely on teaching as my source of income two years ago and let go of my second job, I decided to take the summers off. The plan was to use one month of that time to take a teaching related course, and to use the rest of the time to do 'me' things. You know, make art, drink too much coffee, watch bad television, hang out with friends, recharge and just chill. the. heck. out.

And you know, I do... sort of.

After a year of being on/engaged/thinking-thinking-thinking about 150% of the time, I apparently have a hard time turning off the old teacher brain. It's really hard to be in charge of all the things and then not to have a ton of responsibility all at once. My teacher friends describe it as a kind of "coming down." For awhile, there's this sense of anticipation and anxiety that kind of lingers in the back of your brain. Like when you know you left the door unlocked or the coffee on. Every day it kind of seeps away a bit more.

Now, almost 3 weeks into summer, I'm finally starting to relax. 

The word "relax" is being thrown around loosely here, fyi.

I take my time on my morning run. I notice teeny things: the rosebush that's pushing it's way through the fence near my house, the ducks that are sleeping beside the inlet, the squirrel nest outside our window. I bake bread. I have a second (third... ninth...) cup of coffee. 

Mmmmm. Coffee.

A big part of who I am is being creative and observant of little things people are prone to missing. I find that sometimes the stress of the school year sucks that right out of me. By June the creative part of my brain is a desert. It's always a relief when I feel an art project bubbling inside my brain, sliding across my consciousness mid walk or conversation.

Sometimes I worry that I'll lose that part of me if I delve to deeply into grownup things. That one day I'll wake up and forget how to make things. That my hands will turn black and fall off from lack of use and my eyes won't be able to see colour anymore. Yikes, huh?

Then I realized that it's kind of a choice. You are creative and artistic when you need to do things. When you get that impulse to do, and act on it in some way. 

Lately any art I've made has been kind of blah. I'll see an image in my head and get all excited to actualize it, and it turns out a shade more dull than I'd pictured. It's frustrating. Then my lovely boyfriend sent me this.

Sometimes it takes a little something to tell you it's all good. And I needed that.

Summer is for slowing down a bit, I think. As much as I know, slowing down is one thing I have a hard time with. But I'm working on it. Yep.

And things are good. :)

<3 S

P.S: acoustic listenings here.